My Wishlist:
* PlayStation 2 DVDs of the following games:
* .//Hack GU Vol. 1 Vol. 4
* Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories
* Musashi: Samurai Legend
* Onimusha 1-4
* Persona 4
* A Kingdom Hearts cap
* A Bleach cap
* Katekyo Hitman Reborn DVDs (episode 1 - current)
* Mahou Sentai Magiranger DVDs
* A mini-plushie of Kon
* A Metallic Blue PlayStation Portable
* A Guitar Hero On Tour DS
* Guitar Hero World Tour
* Cash (because all the above items are crazy, hahaha)
This is an extremely serious and personal freaking out moment kind of post, seriously, I. Have. Issues. You can call me evil and bitter, but I need to let this out, so dont read this if this might get to you.
Can I just say it? Im not quite looking forward to going home to Zamboanga Not for the reasons you lot are thinking (Those reasons being me not being able to be away from someone and not seeing said someone.), rather for reasons that sometimes make me wish my parents were Liberal.
See, my mom has a huge thing for family, even when they treat you like dirt, family is more important Psh, tell me something I dont know. Im sorry, but the last thing I wanted was to be treated like a walking pile of trash while I went through puberty.
The last thing I wanted was for my mom to treat my cousin as her son more than me.
That was eight years ago.
And Ive never forgotten every moment of my life in Zamboanga. Never.
And for eight years, Ive been yearning to let my past go, let everything thats happened to me go, to not wake up screaming in the middle of the night because of what happened to me earlier this year. To not feel like an idiot, to not feel like Im a total loser whose sole purpose in life is to exist and nothing more.
Two nights ago, I did, I let go of all the memories haunting me. I still worry about some things now, but Im trying to not let it consume me.
I wasnt always so serious and sort of boring, though I used to be vibrant and really happy. Somehow, something happened to me that was bad enough for me to repress all those memories. In fact, you could say half the memories I have between 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade and 1st year are bits and pieces. Snatches. The rest are all repressed. Some of them have come to the surface, some havent.
What those memories were, Ill have to keep to myself for now. I think time is what I need before I tell you my friends everything But trust me when I say Im much better now than when any of you first met me. Still not the embodiment of perfection as some would like me to be, but tempered, maybe stronger
There isnt much else to me than what anyone sees If theres anything else, I probably keep it inside until its okay to be let out Which it rarely ever is.
Ive lived a quarter-life, I guess I cant call it a half-life because Ive somehow lived with equal amounts of happiness and sadness. The biggest issue Ive had to deal with is my lack of confidence. I dont believe in myself, at all People say I have talent, I dont think I do. My friends say Im cool, unique I dont see anything cool or unique I see
A boy, 14 or 16, stuck in a body of a 21 year old. I dont know how I made it this far, seriously. But Ive accepted that my mind works on a younger wavelength for some reason Hence, heres a piece of teenangst from my journal, circa 2007. I reiterate, this was from a LONG time ago.
I have this Jealousy thing Theres this cosplayer, and shes totally awesome, her entire group is awesome Part of me wants to be what she is, and believe me, thats a tall order.
But how am I supposed to do all that? I dont have legions of fans or the ability to churn out awesome cosplay. Okay, I have a FEW people who like it when I get up there but that changes nothing What keeps me from the stage is the adage, doing it wrong. I dont want to do it wrong, AT ALL. So how I see myself as a cosplayer is either I do it right, or I dont do it at all.
I never did like thinking like this. I dont think I like this anymore, sort of. I still want to do things right, but doesnt everyone? I love cosplaying, and it saddens me that its become a joke A lot of people dont cosplay for the fun, they do it to win, to compete... Cosplay used to be crazy fun, and sometimes, it still is Im not calling anyone out, Im not looking for drama, this is just the opinion of someone who loves cosplay.
I did it wrong as well. I cosplayed Riku a couple times, in spite of the fact that I wasnt the right height, the right weight Im surprised people didnt call me out on it But I looked at the pictures and realized that I did it totally wrong. WAY wrong. But I got over it, took time off from cosplay to figure out who I wanted to be Im still on that time-out, but I know which characters I want to be, and I want to do all of them right.
One of my friends was heckled by a non-fan of Death Note once, yelling out for everyone to hear that there was no Matt in Death Note. Tard probably saw the movie, not the anime or manga. But it had an impact on my friend She felt really bad after, cause everyone laughed at her, even if she did that costume justice.
It was the first Mangaholix, I believe I could be mistaken But it was at MoA, pre-SMX.
Wow, this post is turning /nerdrage In any case That wasnt right.
Back to the issue at hand Im leaving for Zamboanga on the 21st. I dont particularly want to go to Zamboanga, but I miss my friends, and my cousins. Im going back because I have a box of comics, guides and books tucked away somewhere there.
See, my dad and I share an opinion here One which I choose not to impart to my readers, because its full of angst, and even if its righteous angst, my multiply/blogger/DA has enough angst without me adding moar.
Although Thanks to tha intarwebz, itll be like I never left ~chortles.
As for cosplay plans... Hmm... I'll tell y'all later.










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\"For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God\'s will, than for doing evil.\" (1Pe 3:17)
\"An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.\"
Charles Horton Cooley
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"Hav evrything you want."
"Why?"
"For reddish locks as these,for eyes ℉ teh deepst & mst sympThetic brown.For skin like teh fresh cream ℉ milk in teh morning.For lips indstinguishable frm teh petals ℉ a rose." ~Marius♡Armand
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i am the epitome of kawaii.
xxnyxiepop
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Dark Snow Angel
=Rus-Club
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Dark, Light or Twilight... Either way, I get a Keyblade!
really cool cosplay pics.
WTF
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hot 16 yr old pinay girl. link haha.
you watch me. i watch you. intiendes? :>
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"I'm so drunk I'm speaking with good grammar..." -Vezz: sometime around noon-ish
Check out my website
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